March 27, 2014

playing










When I was little (around I was 5ish),
I started having a weird habit,
and i guess it lasted till 3rd grade of elementary school.
So, let me explain it.

I was obsessed with attractive/cute girls in comics, movies or TV shows and I wrote down all those names of my favorite characters on my little notebook.
When I had time or was bored i looked at my notebook and picked a character (depending on my mood) and started acting like the character that i picked.

Once I decided to become this Native American girl from some story and I had this horribly hand-made braided wig on and climbing a tree outside by myself, and then my friend's mom witnessed it and she got worried. About me.

I usually did this weird made-up play all by myself and kept it as a secret, but I had a really nice girl friend who was insanely nice and I thought she could be my partner when I play this acting game.
So one day when we were hanging out, I thought this was a chance and decided to do it.
I explained her what we would do and told her to pick her favorite character from any stories she likes to act, and we started playing.

The story, situations and expeditions of the play that we follow, were all made up by me in a terribly improvised way, and when we move on to the next act, I had to explain what we do and every single detail to her, and it was so exhausting. The saddest thing was that the whole time, she had a face of total confusion.

That's when I realized that it is so fucking hard to express what I have inside to others, since sometimes, or sadly most of the time, what I have inside is so boring and incomprehensible for others.

As I grew up, I stopped picking a character's name from my notebook and got more like a real life, playing sports and such. ha.

(All those gals above, these were my favorite characters, ever.)

小さい頃、漫画やアニメに出てくる
お気に入りの女の子のキャラクターの名前を手帳に書き込んで、
暇なときにその中から1つのキャラクターを選んで演じきって遊ぶ、
というのにハマっていました

そういう遊び、すぐ飽きちゃった〜、みたいな
一時的なノリではなく、割と長く続いて
幼稚園から小学3年生くらいまで続けてました。演劇遊び。
これは気持ち悪い遊びに違いないとは感じていたので、周りに秘密にはしていましたが
小学校2年生の頃、本当に何をしても許してくれる気の優しい友達がいたので、
一度だけ彼女を誘ってこの演劇遊びに興じたことがあります

プレイの内容はたしか、のび太の魔界大冒険のようなものでした
私の妄想の中で色々と出来事が起き魔物に襲われたりするのですが
私のイマジネーションの中で起こっている事件の臨場感、
そして魔物に襲われた時、どうやってやっつけれるか、何をしなければならないかを
いちいち事細かに彼女に伝えないといけないのですが、
上手く伝わらないし煩わしいし、そして何よりも
演劇遊びの間、ずっと困った表情をしている彼女がただただ可哀想でした

ある日は、なんかのネイティブアメリカン的なキャラクターに憧れ
ベルトを改造して自作したネイティブアメリカンの三つ編み風カツラをかぶり、
一人山で木に登っていたところを友達のお母さんに目撃され
恥ずかしい思いもしました

やっぱりこういうの普通じゃないのかしらと思ってた頃に
日舞始めたり淫乱英会話講師(女)のもと英会話習い始めたり
テレクラに目覚めたりスポーツ始めて体育会系の波に飲まれたりで
友達もできリアルな生活の割合が多くなり生理も始まり大学も卒業し
大人になりまぁよかったかなぁ、と思っています。

(上のキャラは今でも私のお気に入り)

March 18, 2014

having too much time

and just realized how much i've wasted.
facing some sort of big change! time.

March 13, 2014

internet map


after WWII, my uncle moved to Tokyo and became a tailor,
and during 80s he became super rich (through his property).

this letter that i found was sent to my grandpa (that i've never met) from my rich uncle
when he had just moved to Tokyo.
his address was written on the back of the envelop,
and inside of it, there was a sketch of my uncle's house that he built.
(also the note was included, he wrote that he was excited about his future and new life.)

i know he doesn't live at the address anymore
and now he lives in the big house at some rich neighborhood,
but a few days ago i was around where he used to live and curious to see what's there now.
it is actually a nice yuppie area, and at the address, the office building was standing.

it's funny that things changed so quickly only just in a half-century.
now, with this crazy thing called INTERNET,  i can show you
what happened to my family in a second to the whole world.
even with the map.


去年の夏、おじいちゃんの遺品をコソコソと物色してた時に
おじいちゃんへ宛てた伯父さんからの手紙を発見し、
封を開けるとこじんまりとした家の間取り図と
ヤル気いっぱいさが伝わってくる手紙が入っておりました。

この伯父さん、戦後すぐ東京で親戚がやっていた仕立て屋(お店自体は今も健在)の
見習いとして青山に引っ越し、こじんまりした家を建てて住んでたようです。

この伯父さん、バブルの時代に仕立て屋ではなく
不動産で一儲けし、かなりリッチな生活をしているのですが
最近全く会ってません。こだわりかお洒落なのか分からないのですが
昔から常にベレー帽をかぶっていたので
小さい頃は本気でこの伯父さんが藤子不二雄先生かと思っていました。

先日、この伯父さんの家があった住所の近くをブラブラしてたので
なんとなく行ってみたら、オフィスビルが建ってました。 
こういう時空に惑わされるようなカッコつけなことやってみたかったので
あたい満足よ

いやはや、インターネットと呼ばれる無差別でこわ〜いものの上で
親戚や家族のことを書くと、近々誰かに見つかり怒られると思うのですが 
最近つくづく、家族や親戚や、特に地元の近所の人々や幼き頃の友人は
ちょっとアブノーマルだったのかもしれないということを
痛感してるので、近々またそのまとめをしたいと思います。

March 6, 2014

damn snow




a few weeks ago,
tokyo got inundated with snow
so so deeply for the first time in 75 years or something.

most of people here, including me, we are not used to snow at all,
and it seems that we get all uncomfortable and obnoxious being snowed in
and it just makes us look so fucking ugly unconsciously in the snow.

all those 3 photos above,
we look so fucking ugly like no other
1) having no idea what to do
2) or just simply having only one damn straight aim
to have a nice and big snowman in like some disney movie.

so just let the ice cream cup be on the face
to make people want us, at least.

hahaaa, i don't make any seence.

一番上の写真は、アオペが撮ってくれました
雪の中だと更にブス〜