mari kojima

tv

2012-02-09T00:55:00.008+09:00

i just bought a tv for the first time, it's for my job pretty much,
but i can tell that i'd be so addicted to it.

by the way, my interview is up on japancinema.com
thank you so much, Marcello!

also, my article on my 5 favorite places is up at file magazine's citylikeyou.
thank you so much, Thorbjørn!

テレビを買ってしまいました。
いやはやこれはかなり引きこもりになってしまう予感なんだなぁ。

さて、ちょっぴりおたくなjapancinemaというウェブジンにインタビュー載りました。
同じシリーズで、ケインコスギ様などのインタビューも載っているではないか。
これはありがたやありがたや
creative spotlight at japancinema.com

それと、file magazineのcitylikeyouというシリーズに
私の好きな場所についての記事も写真付きで載ってます。
file magazine, citylikeyou

どうぞよろしくおねがいしますこすこ〜

old things

2012-01-18T00:29:00.005+09:00

founds

2012-01-16T02:40:00.006+09:00

2010/01/08,
woo, feels like such a long time ago.

blending in

2012-01-13T01:58:00.001+09:00

that's what they really wanted.

2012

2012-01-06T10:37:00.009+09:00

ティッツナオコとパトと月食を眺めた日

happy new year!
i know this year will be super dope for all of you guys (and me, please).
i have some exciting news, i'll post the details later.
and don't forget about Bathysphere Books, we'll have more updates for sure:)

明けましておめでとうございます。
今年もどうぞよろしくお願いいたします。
只今エキサイティングなプロジェクトに着手しており
もうそろそろ詳細をお知らせできるかと思います。
そして今年はBathysphere Booksもどんどん稼働させていきたいと思っております。
どうぞよろしこ〜

typical

2011-12-07T18:36:00.005+09:00

typical huh huh. oh yes, oh yes.

nagoya trip, eels.

2011-12-07T07:59:00.006+09:00

うなぎようなぎ、ひつまぶし

jumping off

2011-12-02T17:21:00.007+09:00

i don't know him but he was living in the biggest room on the top of my building,
he was a kind of guy who carries around a fake plastic sward around his waist. and so on.
my neighbors, including me, thought he was crazy.
a few weeks ago, he jumped off from the top of my building.
maybe the story he had in his mind was supposed to keep continue,
maybe with his flying skill, maybe a little bit of thrill,
but there was a pond of blood and death on the ground. the end.
did he know that there was the end? physical death?
or did he know what is going to happen when his body hits the ground?
the end???

there are so many wonders and wonders and wonders and wonders
oh humans, humans.
humanity, humanity.

理解してもらっちゃおうかな！かなかなかな！！！！なんて考えたのが間違いだったなぁ

mutual

2011-11-28T11:37:00.013+09:00

前ポストから引き続きあれなんですが
人との出会いと繋がりに助けられたこの一年なんだなぁ

でもあたしったら〜
実はとても臆病なのよ
出会いと交流の中で他人様からどう思われてるのかしらんと
とても気にしてしまうあたしがいるのよ
そして他人様は今どう感じているのかと
模索してしまうあたしがいるのよ
他人様の感情の上に這いつくばってトレースしようとしてるのが
あたしなのよ

浅はかさや、本音、本質を見極めようと
他人様の体内をモヤモヤと流れる感情の
オブザベーションを重ねる日々

理解できない他人様のモヤモヤに
憑依するように吸い付いて
自分の経験、自分の持ってる感情を尺にして計って
理解した気分になっているあたし
いやはや結局は独断のみなのよ
完全なる相互理解というのは
なんざましょなんざましょ

そんなこんなで
取り繕うあたしやら
善人やら変態やら
サイコパスやら模倣ばかり繰り返す人やら
内に何を秘めてるのかしら
あたしは完全にそれを知ることができるのかしら
こんなモヤモヤした人間様達生き物達
おもしろいじゃな〜い
いやまじあたしは愛を持ってもっと知りたいのよ〜

そんなこんなで
今後はもっとインタラクティブな写真や催しやプロジェクトを
行っていきたいなぁと思ってますぞ〜！！！！

a month left

2011-11-26T11:24:00.017+09:00

yosuke, chihi, yuki, ian, pat, mari, tomo

2011 has been such a crazy year,
i quit my job,
became jobless during summer but it was too amazing to have a plenty of time just for my self,
met new friends and they became my best friends,
my favorite amazing human beings Ian and Yuki got married,
i got a new fun job,
Pat got an awesome prize, also NGS is amazingly totally making it,
my friends' exhibitions are coming up,
my sister is preggy again now and her new baby's birthday will be the same as her,
etc, etc,

only a month left but this year has been too great for me too,
thank you so much everyone and i love you guys all (oh cheesiness)!
and congrats!

いやぁ今年は素晴らしい年だったなぁ
まだあと一ヶ月あるけどもうなんか天気いいしね
生ぬるい海水の中で昆布に絡まってしまいたいなぁ
オレ、ヌメヌメ系大好きなんだよね〜

::プレゼントのお知らせ、日本限定だｧ！
さて、先日名古屋用にポスタージンを作ったのですが
雑に出来上がってしまい、いやまじこれは不名誉な出来、
売り物にするにも大変申し訳なく処分してしまおうと思ったのですが
やはりもったいないお！！というわけで
そのポスタージンほしいお！！と思った方、先着５名様に無料で差し上げようと思います。
info at marikojima dot comまでご連絡くださいませ。

そして、欲しいお！メールを送付頂く際に、
もしよろしければ、長くなっても一行でも一言でもいいので、
何でもいいのでコメントをください！
（そして、そのコメント、このブログでアップさせていただきます〜）

どうぞよろしくお願いいたしまっす

erased memories

2011-11-14T01:01:00.008+09:00

i just keep forgetting.

----------------
i'll be selling my new 8-page zine/A3 poster at Aichi University of fine art and music with Stomachache, Nanook, Yamada, Delicates(decayxodus&Nicholas Kenji) on 11/19 and 11/20.
if you are around there, come stop by:)
→more details

11/19と11/20に、愛知県立芸術大学にてstomachacheのともえちゃん、NANOOK、YAMADA、富山からDELICATES（Decayxodus＆ニコラスケンジさん）とブースを出します！私はポスターかジン的な何かを多分限定で２０〜３０部位販売いたします。是非お越し下さいまし〜
→詳細はこちらから。

too much of dirty jokes

2011-11-10T23:38:00.007+09:00

your fancy dinner

2011-11-04T01:16:00.010+09:00

in your mouth.

nothing special

2011-11-01T14:57:00.032+09:00

one big death

2011-10-28T01:23:00.020+09:00

4 horror movies

2011-10-21T11:24:00.030+09:00

UMA WISHES

2011-10-20T11:55:00.007+09:00

big toad and big salmon.

sunday routine

2011-10-18T20:23:00.020+09:00

it was so nice outside yesterday so my friends and i decided to go to inogashira-park,
we had tasty sandwich there and talking really dirty as usual.

on the way back home, we realized that we forgot to play badminton even though we had rackets and everything ready. it was still light out, and also we found a nice parking lot outside of this catholic church, so we stopped there to see if we could play that mama there.
the church was open for sunday service, so we just randomly decided to go inside and pray instead of playing badminton, pretty much to just have fun(more like to make fun of it, sorry....), since we all love bad religious jokes.

we went in, dipped our fingers in holy water, sat down and acted as we were praying,
but i was actually thinking about buying 1 big avocado instead of getting 3 small ones for dinner.

we felt uncomfortable so we left, and decided to go to one of our friend's house nearby.
when we arrived there, there was a big tube of lubricant for sexy purpose sitting on the table,
so i just squeezed it out on my hand and started playing with it.
and then i just realized that i've just got purified by holy water. oh humans.

by the way i'm going to nagoya next month with the crew. psyched!

e.g.

2011-10-18T11:07:00.014+09:00

nookdoug and gakkun

these days i hang out with my friend's brother's friends, they are young and still in college.

last week, a bunch of us(we are all around 30s) and this cute young college kid(still 20-ish) spent all night playing jenga, didn't sleep at all and went to eat some noodles for breakfast.

it was so nice out that day, so we decided not to waste a day even though we didn't sleep at all.

we started walking around the outside of this zoo by inogashira-park, but we couldn't decide either we get in to the zoo or not so we were just aimlessly walking around for an hour,
i suggested to go see eagles and owls at this nature-loving kind of cafe by the park but i, as the leader, totally went to the wrong direction and we were lost(i really have no sense of direction),
we got all so tired, but we had to go poo poo so bad so went to the department store to use the cleaner bathroom.
after dropping some pounds off, we sat on the couch in front of the bathroom not being able to decide what we are gonna do.
the college kid was just sitting there with us giving us a hopeless look. my friend asked him if he wants to be like us in like 10 years, he just answered ummm.

business trip

2011-10-17T21:35:00.012+09:00

now i have a new job, many business trips and hotel-stays.
by the way, all i want to eat these days is deep fried chicken. delicious ones.

say hello to new... #2

2011-10-17T13:03:00.010+09:00

it took a while to get to this point.
there was such a mess that i can't even recollect the fragments of it.
it exactly felt like being controlled by a phychopath,
walking on the path that's drawn by this person,
i just react or do the way this person would totally expect,
while knowing the fact that i'm just a will-less person.
i wanted to let it go but kept holding on to it to see a little possibility.
it was a big obsession.
this was the perfect controlled-by-other's-ego process that i went through.
stupidity.

i was out of my apartment for 3 days for a business trip.
when i got back home, one of my fish were missing. a little tiny one.

after i found his little tiny bones blending in to a debris on a filter,
it didn't take that long to realize that the little one was eaten by the big ones in a tank since they were so hungry.
i fed them ok before i left, but my friend told me that fish can't stuff themselves with so much food once so that they can go without eating for a while.

big fish, tiny fish, domesticated,
they were all good together in a little tank society,
but once something is missing, something that they need to keep their lives going,
they will change. no moral there but just instinct, and it's not that beautiful and clean as i imagine.

and i just realized i was just there to give, sacrifice myself.

continues.

say hello to new...

2011-10-17T11:20:00.008+09:00

it was like pinching your skin while getting a big shot
so that you can forget the pain that you actually get from the shot.
but in the end you just realize it didn't make the situation any better,
you just end up staring at your red pinched skin with your nail mark left on
with your other arm swollen and bleeding by the shot,
yes there's this new pain that you created and you have to stand.

continues.

absorbing

2011-10-15T15:02:00.007+09:00

my awesome friend and also a amazingly talented writer Nagisa gave me this book called "life after god" by Douglas Coupland, and i've been reading it when i get on the train to go to work. only a little by little though, so that i can keep this precious time with this book longer. all the chapters in the book, i can connect to my experience, what happened to me and what i've been actually building up in my life.

"...And we're changed souls; we don't look at things the same way anymore. for there was once a time we expected the worst. but then the worst happened, did it not? and so we will never be surprised ever again."

2 points

2011-10-05T01:34:00.009+09:00

i know the fact that if i completely become honest about how i feel or how i think, i'd lose many things, honesty is brutally real and such a scary thing sometimes. i usually try to stand in a neutral position so that i don't have to show off my stupidity, or i just hate (or i'm just scared) to be judged that i'm so wrong.

all i wanted was stability that i could completely believe in, but i have no control over anything really, and my ego just keeps bringing so much frustration in my damn life.

finally over

2011-09-23T23:35:00.004+09:00

my long, really looong vacation, which was fun and depressing at the same time is ending in 3 days. wee.

o

2011-09-20T14:07:00.006+09:00

playful 27 right there.

little belated but,
yuki-chan and ian, congrats!
and, nagisa-chan, yamada, nanook, kengo, aope, happy birthday!

nanook's attempt

2011-09-15T13:19:00.005+09:00

really early in the morning, after the typhoon, many dead jelly fish all around on the beach, unrecognisable debris we picked up, sticky dirty wind just made us tired.

i thought it would be the last time to visit this dirty stinky beach for 2011 and felt a little bit melancholic, but then a few days later my ex-boss took me out for my birthday dinner to Red Lobster right next to the beach we played around.

and lobsters were tasty tasty.

partial

2011-09-08T00:01:00.001+09:00

in it

2011-08-30T14:42:00.002+09:00

usually get trapped in squares.

reaction

2011-08-29T02:04:00.005+09:00

human body really does react honestly when you feel stressed, yeah.

k

2011-08-29T01:56:00.004+09:00

new event

2011-08-25T00:55:00.027+09:00

8/27（土）に、高円寺ASOKOにて不幸の科学プレゼンツ『おサイエンスクラブ』を開催いたします。

16:00〜17:30は開発君がホストとなり、おしっこカクテル+オリジナルチャーシューパンという最強バリューセット「開発くん×篠沢のほろ酔いセット」を販売！そして、tokyo art book fairで大人気だったあのおしっこチームのMANGETRYや昇天寺などなども販売予定とのこと！そして、新作のカバンもお披露目ですって！

そして、私は19:00頃からお店に立ちます！
ナヌーク、なぎさちゃん、ティッツナオコ、ケンゴと組んで、ドライアイスの煙が君の体を這うように漂う中、ブラックライト所謂あの暗黒の光が容赦なく降り注ぐマッドサイエンティストナイトを演出いたします。

今まで肉眼では見ることができなかった、君にまとわりつくミクロの野郎達を顕微鏡を駆使して眺めてみたり、ご希望があれば、君のお顔と君の好きなアノ子のお顔を合成しちゃったりする予定です。

そして、マッドサイエンティストのお品書きは下記の通り

・おケミカルC　300円　
ブラックライトのもと光るアルコール飲料だ！

・たつろう　100円
ウォッカやジンベースのほぼお酒が原料という一口ゼリーだ。アルコール度数高めだ！

・ファラフェル　350円
厳しい研究の末誕生したひよこ豆のコロッケ＋サワークラウト（酢漬けキャベツ）＋ヨーグルトソースが入った美味しいサンドだ。ベジタリアンの皆様にもぴったりの一品だ！

・ウーパールーパー　500円
マッドサイエンティスト特製スペシャルドリンクだ。とりあえずカーっとくるんだ！病み付きだ！

※また、大変恐縮ですが、ＡＳＯＫＯは入場チャージの300円をいただいています。

夏最後の思い出作りに、高円寺の阿波踊りの帰り道に、
皆様どうぞお気軽にお越し下さいませ！

それでは、お会いできるのを楽しみにしております！！

AsokoへのMap: http://map.hatena.ne.jp/?x=139.6480&y=35.7084&z=4

＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝

this Saturday on 27th, we are gonna have this event called "O-science Club" at ASOKO in Koenji.

i'll dress up as a mad scientist with my awesome crew.
we'll serve you with farafel wraps and jello-shots and crazy cocktails.

Here's the time table...

*Entrance Charge 300Yen

16:00~17:30
Kaihatsu-kun & Shinozawa Kouichi's Horoyoi meal set time
they will be selling their zines and bags as well!
http://csccac.exblog.jp/

18:00-24:00??
Mad Scientice Mari Kojima's room
http://www.marikojima.com/
I'll gang up with Nanook, Nagisa, Tits Naoko, Kengo!

It'll be fun, please come stop by:)

ASOKO: http://d.hatena.ne.jp/sajonpork/
Map: http://map.hatena.ne.jp/?x=139.6480&y=35.7084&z=4

gray starling

2011-08-09T01:01:00.001+09:00

trip

2011-08-06T22:52:00.004+09:00

i'm on a trip back to my hometown, will be back in tokyo on 8/12.
see you soon.

"bird flu" on sale at bathysphere books

2011-07-20T00:40:00.006+09:00

you can now purchase my print set "bird flu" at bathysphere books :)

bird fluプリントセット、Bathysphere Booksにてご購入いただけます。

print set for sale

2011-07-13T02:02:00.019+09:00

i'll be selling my print set at tokyo art book fair from 7/16 to 7/18. those sets soon will be up on bathysphere books shop as well.
if you have any questions, please feel free to email me :)

"bird flu" print set
7 silver halide prints in an envelope
limited edition of 10 (each print has edition number & signature)
print size: 198mm x 296mm

今週末、７月１６日から１８日にかけて行われるtokyo art book fairにて封筒に入ったプリントセットを販売いたします。不幸の科学ブースまで是非お越し下さいませ。
後日、Bathysphere Booksでも販売予定です。
質問等ございましたら、メールにてご連絡ください。

“バードフルー”封筒入りプリントセット
銀塩プリント７枚入り
１０エディション限定（各プリント、エディションナンバー＆サイン入り）
プリントサイズ：１９８mm x ２９６mm

About the edition number and signature
*if any of those images from the photo list above get printed with a different printer/ink/size/paper and have a different finish, they might get numbered as a new edition.
*each photos are numbered and signed at the right bottom on the back of the print.

作品のエディションナンバーとサインについて
*上記と同一写真であっても、サイズ、インク、ペーパー、プリンター等新たな組み合わせで制作され、仕上がりが異なる作品につきましては、新規にエディションナンバーがふられることがあります。
*プリントは品質を確認した後、エディションナンバー、サイン等をプリント裏側の右下に記しています。

55

2011-06-21T20:14:00.013+09:00

i keep random notes and quotes on my phone,
it's so insanely random and sometimes i really don't understand what i meant.

"regretting not putting any make-up on
rice anal
from 3pm on wednesday
if he gets along with his mom
at exhibition"

hear it all

2011-06-14T04:01:00.018+09:00

today i heard this story from the person that i'm really close to,
about this family, who are really close to us, a part of our family now.

i won't really write this story specifically or directly naming who is who, but just blurry,
it might feel annoying and confusing, or you might figure it all out, but yeah,
not right after they got married but after the earthquake,
i met his mom and grandma for the first time since they had to escape from the town that was destroyed by tsunami and radiation.

his grandma(his mom's mom) can't really hear anything anymore,
she's about 90 years old, so his mom and grandma were communicating by using body gesture or writing on the notebook, which looked really graceful.
i guessed that they've been talking like that from not that long ago, and i was really surprised that they were so used to it.

but today, i was talking to this person,
and she told me all the stories that i didn't really have to know, i guess.

the story goes;

his grandma used to own and run this ryokan (Japanese-style hotel),
but when she was about 20 years old, this crazy guest staying at her hotel beat her up with an iron bar for no reason, and this psycho hit her head really hard... she became deaf since then.

after that happened, her life kept on, she got married and gave a birth to her daughter(his mom), so she's never heard her daughter's voice.

the way they communicate, their made-up gesture and sometimes writing in the notebook, that was actually the way that they've been using since they became a family, mom and daughter. especially their gesture, it seems like a really special, mysterious way to communicate that nobody really understands, but that is actually their normal, usual way to understand each other that naturally occurred while her daughter was growing up.

after i heard that fact, i thought i saw some special, hidden culture that's been built up without nobody knowing it, which feels like discovering the whole new country with native citizens living in that no one knew about in the middle of nowhere, and i thought it was kind of magical.

morning

2011-06-13T01:05:00.007+09:00

follow me i'm smiling

2011-06-03T03:33:00.002+09:00

started public twitter @ mamorikija
weeee

i wanna write some story but too sleepy,
3:30AM now, night night,
tomorrow(actually today) is the day that i've been looking forward to.
miss awesome NGS! big fish! 500oz of blood! licking black ink!
milking cows in my dream!!

pretty in pink

2011-05-31T18:58:00.003+09:00

things look like this and that sometimes.
floral fatty if you know what i'm talking about.

3 legged

2011-05-26T02:45:00.011+09:00

this should be that,
that is so wrong and that should be this way,
controlling is the way to achieve,
makes your dreamy tasty world come closer,
but it didn't take that long to realize that was just human ego.
we are all different at the end.

arabian coffee

2011-05-24T12:48:00.016+09:00

↑kohituji club above

that night,
i met this girl who is really amazingly smart,
she's just really really amazing,
meeting her really felt like falling-in-love at first sight,
and i thought about this old silly song,
arabian monk told this guy who forgot loooove to drink coffee,
and he did for the first time,
and then he starts tripping and hitting on some young girl.
oh total trance, boiiiiiiii.

matching

2011-05-19T11:37:00.013+09:00

about this person,
i really don't know what that is,
but maybe because of the strict religious surroundings,
something totally opposite grew out of it.
ya.

looking into the hole

2011-05-18T15:55:00.019+09:00

i left my work and i wanted to have some rest for a little bit,
but thinking about money and other things just making me feel rushed.

there was this murder in my town when i was little,
5 year old kid got killed by his dad, and his dad killed himself after that.
when that happened, i was the same age as the kid who got killed.

at that time, obviously i didn't really know what was going on,
too little to understand the whole situation.
his dad was running a Christian kindergarten in our town,
but it got closed down right after the murder happened.

i was in pre-school before i entered the first grade,
and many kids transferred to my preschool because of that.
i bet the adults around us didn't really know how to react to or explain the situation,
and i remembered it was just awkward just not knowing any facts as a kid.

when i was in 3rd grade, me and my friends were playing and walking through the town,
and 2 of my friends stopped right in front of this closed building with a playground behind.
we entered (we were punks as a 3rd grade) and started playing,
and then those friends told me that they used to go to this place,
since it was actually a kindergarten before, and they told me the reason why it got closed down.
even though the actual murder didn't happen in the building,
i got really scared, i felt that i've never got so close to any places that had such a dark history behind,
but my friends were just playing like nothing happened,
the place was just a part of their memory as a "fun place" they used to go to,
but for me, the place suddenly became something else, something dark and scary.

as i grew up, i occasionally thought about the incident,
what really happened,
also thought about the worst scenario as well,
just naming things that might've been involved that i can think of,
madness, cruelty, beliefs and religion, stress, psycho, hate, love, incest, etc.

for something that didn't really involve me directly,
i just live off the image yet not knowing any facts,
and some mediocre thoughts just grow and grow.

last night, i told my boyfriend about the murder after we talked about some book
since the story reminded me of the incident.

and then this morning while i was sleeping,
i felt something on my leg, it felt like a little kid crawling up on my body,
and suddenly i couldn't move or say anything.
sleep paralysis.

it happens to me when my body is tired,
but maybe my curiosity, and talking about the incident loud was too much led it to it,
i felt weird, but wasn't scared anymore.
people do still remember what happened,
some people remember it as a horrible murder that they really don't want to be close to,
but i know some people remember the kid, the place, maybe his dad, as their warm memory,
like my friends, who didn't get scared at all when we were standing in the shadow of the closed building.

it won't be that scary if...

2011-05-16T11:04:00.012+09:00

so so bright out that day,
losing its colors.

it reminded me of madeline, that cute frenchy cartoon for little kids,
and that show just made me think of happy communist propaganda.

taste of cherry

2011-05-11T21:57:00.013+09:00

i'm leaving my work in 3 days.
tomorrow is my last day-off,

i don't have that much time left but i have many random things on my desk,
so i was cleaning up before i went home today.
i had many comics in my shelf that i don't read anymore,
so i gave them away with s-o-r-r-o-w like a s-p-a-r-r-o-w.
man, i was surrounded by really awesome people.
(by the way, the desk in the photo is not my office desk.)

when i got off work,
it was raining hard outside and i was tired, so i wanted to go home asap.

on the way back home, i kept thinking about expensive fat-ass steaks that i ate in Chicago with my parents when they came visit me for my graduation.

man, i really do want to eat beef TONIGHT.

i went to the butcher's when i got off the train,
bought 2 slices of beef steaks,
ran back to my place, cooked them in heated oil and butter and burning garlic with salt and pepper and a little bit of wine, man that was wonderful.

i was wondering when the exact day that my parents came visit was.
so i looked through my old emails, and then it happened to be today was the same day as the day when we went out for the fancy big-ass steaks before the graduation.
hmm total beef day, good time for leaving and starting something new.

仕事帰りの電車の中で
シカゴで両親と食べたすんごいステーキの事を思い出し
無性に牛肉が食べたくなり
帰り際に肉屋に寄りステーキ肉２枚購入、
帰ってくすぐ調理していただいたわよ
タンパク質が足りてなかったのかしらねぇ
久しぶりにがっついたわよ
ガブリガブリンチョスチョメチョメな音がでちゃったわ

stabbing the ground with my heels

2011-05-10T20:48:00.009+09:00

today;
walking around in the rain all day long, it's muggy like summer.
i got so sweaty, my rayon shirt sticking on my back. eeee.
it was sunny till yesterday,
oh the god of weather, nature, tricker, the news,
how can i predict,
but i kinda know that this weekend will be rad. RAD, for some stupid reasons.
really stupid.

会う人会う人に、ごにょごにょ、マジですか！と言われる毎日よ

今週末はてんこもりだぜ
あぁ地球様の摂理よ
どうか素敵なあの子の為に一歩近づかせてあげてくれよ

そしてマイライフ、
病み上がってすぐジャンクフード漬けになっちまったので
とりあえず最近自炊して胃袋を落ち着かせておりま

お金やら老後やらなんやら将来のことを考えるのよね
安定様よ、ステレオタイプなああいうやこういうのではなくてさ
どこかになにかしらいい逃げ道があるような気がするんだよねぇ〜
そう考えちまうのが中二病ってことかしらん〜OH MY OH MY

wear it right

2011-05-09T23:54:00.014+09:00

happa happa,
some slang that i learnt about 3 years ago from this hellish person at the hell,
"happa means half japanese and half something else."

he had too many useless things to show off,
obsessed with asian ladies, and used to be a raver.

if i had a driver's license, i'd totally go on a road trip all over the jappie land.
the reasons are;
1. i want to touch dolphins.
2. i want to go to the snake land.
3. i want to eat every kind of un-creative hamburgers, all over the place.

if i can go to the u.s. right now, i'd totally go.
the reasons are;
1. i still want to touch dolphins.
2. i want to go to Florida, Daytona Beach, play the simpsons arcade game, look at sea turtles walking around at the beach at night, look at rainbow colored, colorful colorful puke stains or cotton candy, like i did in 2003 and 2004. both years.
3. i want to seriously go play miniature golf. in Daytona Beach.

sorry this is such a shallow post about "oh i want to do it, i want to do that."
i'm in a totally trashy oh-that's-so-hip mood.

when you are talking to something that's not there anymore

2011-05-08T22:48:00.004+09:00

hey boiiiiiiiiiiiii

tropical

2011-05-06T18:02:00.009+09:00

why skullz.

little one big one

2011-05-06T00:06:00.007+09:00

yesterday i went to weird places with my friends,
all the things felt like they were upside down or forever virgin.

em left japan today,
i went to say bye at the station before she got on a bus to the airport.
we cried and i gave her this ugly cheetah, air sprayed badly,
but it'll keep her safe for sure.
oh, also, "dreaming of a cheetah means you are graceful and quick with your actions."
woo woo.

melting

2011-05-03T20:14:00.000+09:00

late at night metal show total crow colored,
sunny day finding a pretty bird's nest in a huge v-jay crack on this tall skinny tree.

oh uh

2011-05-02T21:18:00.037+09:00

more photos and the details will be up soon.

recently i faced some problem,
got woken up by my important friends,
and found the way to let the bad routine go finally.
what i have now that are important(my friends, the fought one yet i strongly love, my family, etc) won't be changed,
but how i see things is now little different, maybe.

while many things were happening,
i was actually walking through the new path. a little one,
which i really didn't tell anybody. i kept it as a secret.
i really didn't want to be judged or hated for what i was starting to see.

i guess people do try to keep a little secrets,
for their friendship,
for their family,
for their relationship,
for their work, etc, etc,
maybe they try to keep it for their ego or pride or shame,
for protecting themselves.

the reason i kept a secret was for my ego, and maybe i was also really, really ashamed,
so kept the things hidden.
maybe i have this nice, harmless, good image that i want people to see in me.
but, where is real me.
honestly, i was darker than what i thought, really childish and needy than what i thought,
i was more coward than what i thought.

such a cheesy thing but,
i was like this, but,
i guess i found something that totally sparked in my mind,
it was really a full of pureness.

i'm at this moment that my life is totally changing,
but when i faced this pureness, pure pure blood that i haven't really seen for a while,
which was totally unexpected,
and i can take it luckily, but i'm too ashamed to be judged,
and i also, maybe, secretly care too much about my future to be brighter,
having more money in my wallet a.k.a bank account,
finding the right stable man to get married, etc, etc,

and all the thoughts got tangled up in my head.
unstable+reckless vs moral+safety
what do i really need in my life?

i've started taking photos from slightly different angles since i saw the new thing.
maybe in a good way.
oh, good stuff tightly zipped in a secret.

but i guess it's time to release what i'm trying to start now,
and reveal what i'm happy about now.

yea.

sorry all the things i just wrote doesn't make any sense and is really abstract.

======

新しいシリーズ、「keep it as a total secret」という
馬鹿げたタイトルでどんどんアップしていきまつ。

new series "keep it as a total secret"

2011-05-02T19:57:00.004+09:00

i feel like i finally found something, something that makes me forget about money or addiction or fame or anything that are actually unnecessary for who i really am.
what i found was pureness and reckless and honesty and impulsiveness, it's like ADD,
but that is what i've newly got from losing many silly things that i was trying to stick to.
good old routines came back in my life, and all the excitement maybe,
so i'll reveal my new series soon:) silly title, but it's really true haha.

spinning around yeah mother

2011-04-25T22:07:00.005+09:00

i was trying to keep myself busy, working hard, meeting new people, going to many places,
and then i caught a cold. bad one. with fever.
my head is now spinning, oh kylie minogue,
it feels like you are dancing around stepping on my brains,
and it kinda feels nice, maybe this is how all the doods felt towards you when you were younger.

another bite, cracked bitter

2011-04-23T13:03:00.029+09:00

this might look nice but honestly, it doesn't have any meanings or thoughts, really.

it sounds really silly but a little thing to others can be a big deal to me,
or maybe the other way around.
something happened and it really hurt me,
i wasn't mad i was just sad, and then i guess i kinda lost it.
what i believed in wasn't really there,
sometimes some big-ass ego can get sweet things.

i also really suck at acting towards sadness,
i was wondering yesterday while sitting by the window at the office,
i was thinking the reason why.

maybe, when i was little,
i was always alone, i had a cat with me to play with and my grandma to cook tasty lunch for me.
since i didn't go to pre-kindergarten like all the kids in my town did, i was lacking social skills, i was super shy, i couldn't really talk to anybody or make friends.

my parents were super busy, i barely had breakfast or dinner with them, went out with them or any sort of family activities when i was little, and there were many things happened that i couldn't really write or tell anybody, but i totally believe that we were a happy family.
but my parents left me alone at home everyday, i actually felt sad and lonely, i was little but i knew they were working hard to make living, they worked hard for me and my education and all that, but i was really lonely.

one day my mom took me to the park by our house, right before she had to go on her night duty(she worked at ER/operation room at this huge hospital). she usually took a nap before night duty since she had to work hard and stay awake, but the day was different, she was going to the park with me and play with me, i was super happy.

i believe that was in spring, maybe mid-May, it was so nice out, i was so happy that i could spend time with her since it was a super rare occasion. playing with my grandma always felt different, when i held my grandma's hand, it just made me worried somehow, i wanted to hold my mom's hand, still young skin.

we went to the park, but she looked really tired, and it made me really really sad.
"she's tired because of me, i'm too much because she has to go to work all exhausted, she's trying too hard for me" all the guilty feelings went through my little brain.

and then suddenly i decided to get mad. i couldn't handle or process sadness in my mind, didn't know how to deal with it at all, and i just got really mad, i told her it is so boring to spend time with her, it's better without her, she even made a sadder face.

i was about 5 or 6 at that time, but i still remember this clearly, i guess it's the thing that i can never forget. the thing that i did wrong.
but then this habit became my routine, even to get their attention.

i acted the same to my boyfriends that i've dated(especially the ones who got so close to me) and made the situations even worse, i was scared to admit that i have something that is completely mental that i couldn't let go.

i got insanely mad last month, i wanted to disappear, but i wanted to make everything around me better at the same time but this week i kinda shut everything down.

since it's spring maybe, people started getting closer to me,
but i guess i've been acting too reckless and emotionless recently,
but this is maybe really how i am.

but you know, i still have hopes, i'm still living alright,
sleeping, waking up and working normally,
i know i will feel better and forgive everything for myself.

rounded face

2011-04-20T00:06:00.007+09:00

...is in my family gene.
jesus stain.

oh hello there, pusspuss

2011-04-05T21:26:00.013+09:00

so, when people play with a touch-pad, it does look like they are spreading v-lips,

if you know what i'm talking about.

oh little pieces if you gather yourself up you'd look bigger

2011-04-05T00:35:00.008+09:00

tidy

2011-03-29T22:35:00.024+09:00

i met this dood when i moved to the US, and we dated for 4 years.
2002 to 2006.

when i first met him, i was this dirty crazy mofo who looked like a total lesbo with an almost shaved head with no sexiness or prettiness, on the other hand, he was a cute tidy clean emo fucko "god, that is so 2002" style.

he was the shiest person i've ever met though, really really shy, but he had this lovely angry humor like larry david. on the other hand, i was just really loud, always being all over the place with no idea.

we were really, totally, completely opposite, i don't know how we stayed together for so long.

recently there were moments that i felt like dying (but not really at all, kind of like light anxiety) and somehow i thought about friends whom i used to hang out with or ex-boyfriends that i used to date, and this year 2002 boy popped up in my head. heavily.

so, i signed into my old email account, looked for emails from him and read them through again. so young, so fucking stupid and super embarrassing, but reading those emails just brought back those little things that we used to do together, how we used to drive around and get lost in the middle of corn fields while staring at gene-manipulated miniature donkeys, how we both used to drink 10 cans of mountain dew or pepsi in a day, how we used to play soul calibur together since that was the only game that i didn't really need any skills.

and here's a little tiny bit of thing that he wrote me.

".... the only difference between me and you, is you attack me when you get mad and crazy, but I get mad at you and then I love you again really fast so if you need to you can beat me everyday. Sorry I said I didn't think I want to it to work out. The truth is I hope everyday that it will work out. So I'll talk to you later after you get back home. bye i love you, mari"

the only difference.
god, such a silly youngie email.
oh children, children.

god, those days, filled with youth, ignorance and stupidity,
since i thought i would have a better life than what i expected,
future felt more brighter, huh huh.

boys

2011-03-29T01:14:00.008+09:00

oh little big playful creatures

こんなの書いたらステレオタイプですが
野望に飲まれ逃げ道を探すというのでしょうか
素直で正直で遊んでねぇ砂利の上に落ちたオニギリ喰らっちまうくらいが
丁度いいと思うんだな

次はガールズ
ｳﾞｧｷﾞﾅ〜からマンスリーに血が出ようと
痛みに耐えれるかっこいい女の子達だぜ

wallpapers by Tseventy

2011-03-21T08:57:00.031+09:00

ごめんちょ

you can download my selected photos as your iphone wall paper at Tseventy.
(thank you so much, JC!)

Poolgaが運営しているTseventyから、私の写真２枚をiphone/itouchの壁紙としてダウンロードできまつ。
あたいのピーター顔写真が壁紙に。。。面目ないっす。。。。。
JCさん、ありがとうございました。

oo

2011-03-20T22:26:00.004+09:00

いらっしゃいここには何もないのよ
you go around and around and then melt like butter in the middle of it.

news, burned tongue

2011-03-18T17:08:00.026+09:00

ピーターじゃないよッ！
thank you so much for emails and everything, i'm totally fine:)

i don't want to be a hypocrite who just only shows pity,
but it's been really crazy and all i can do is pray, save energy and follow the news.

things have been changing, and i've decided to leave my job at the end of April.
(i actually made the decision a month ago though.)
i love people at my office, and i was super lucky to get to work with those super talented CG designers,
but now i guess i have to sort things out for myself before i get too old.
we really don't know what is gonna happen.

i don't have that much money or anything,
but all the things that happened around us pretty much proved that nothing is really 100% guaranteed.
but i guess, since i know that, i'm more motivated.
no matter what we do or where we go, the ending will be the same, we'll all die at the end.
the time is super limited, what can i really do by then?

ok, god, this is such a mediocre post, but let's have some hope yeah.

hi

2011-03-14T02:56:00.013+09:00

i'm ok and safe, but many things are not ok.
reality, scares, ground shaking, anxiety, disappearing, missing, death,
right in my face, not only me, but everyone here.

had an interview today,
speaking out loud helped me to sort things out in my head.
(by the way this photo is old!)

this is how it grows

2011-03-05T21:27:00.000+09:00

before you put it in your mouth.

holy crap, real crap.

2011-02-12T10:06:00.008+09:00

went to this old diner in Sasazuka, surrounded by old people,
i was there with my friends(bunch of fuckos) talking about sex and gross stuff at 12pm on sunday, but hey i've got the class,
i didn't want to be obvious so i said s, e, x, instead of saying sex straight,
but the owner's wife who was making this pretty omelette looked at me with a dirty look.

some guy ran into the bathroom, a few minutes later he came out,
he told the owner couple that the toilet got flooded so he'll clean up,
and closed the door again, 20 mins later he hadn't come out yet,
the owner's wife knocked the bathroom door, she asked the guy if he's ok, he said i'm ok.
she asked the guy to open the door, she nicely told him that she'll take care of it,
he opened the door, and then she went, dgjoaigjjjfgdlakgjleeeewwww (LOL)
and then she went again, "what a big mess, i'll call up the cleaner man to clean up this mess!!"
"god, your feet are wet (=meaning that's fucking disgusting), you should wash them with clean water too!"
we all looked at them, the guy must've been super embarrassed,
i felt bad, his boyfriend was waiting for him at the table, i felt bad for him too.

after that shit flood happened,
i was eating but i had this imaginary image of the shitted flooded brown toilet in my head. i guess everyone who was there had the same kind of shit picture in their head too.
oh my oh my.

歯が痛い痛い

2011-01-09T22:34:00.011+09:00

明けましておめでとうございます。
今年もどうぞよろしくお願いいたします。

ところで
2009年から2010年の頭にかけて
撮った写真をシリーズとしてまとめました。
toothache

my photo series from 2009 to early 2010.
toothache

dear,

2010-12-23T23:22:00.006+09:00

i meant it's like polishing a stone.

rd

2010-12-07T01:21:00.000+09:00

weak smile

2010-10-21T00:44:00.006+09:00

happy birthday grandma.

夏の集合体

2010-10-17T10:30:00.007+09:00

あらやだいつの間にか、暑くてくたっくただった夏も終わり
色々と決着がつきまして、新しい人生歩んでおります。

buddies

2010-10-17T10:24:00.000+09:00

oh hai

2010-10-13T01:39:00.002+09:00

nothing serious, just playing.

drained and greasy

2010-10-13T01:20:00.002+09:00

wahwah

2010-09-30T23:28:00.011+09:00

fall time

2010-09-29T00:12:00.004+09:00

i seriously have no proper clothes for fall or winter.
dang.

powwow

2010-09-28T01:26:00.006+09:00

bye bye

2010-09-24T01:14:00.012+09:00

i screamed at that stranger dood in the water so that he would look back.

my new project with Se Young will be revealed pretty sooon....
exciting!!!

family

2010-09-12T22:59:00.005+09:00

アッ、お父さん〜

shimane trip

2010-09-11T14:44:00.005+09:00

no more data back

no more.

2010-09-01T01:13:00.015+09:00

no more little island management (LIM)!
just mari kojima from now on!
but instead, there is bathysphere books.

Little Island Management(LIM)は終了、
これからはシンプルにmari kojimaなんだな。
新しいちっちゃい出版レーベル、Bathysphere booksのほうも
どうぞよろしくお願いいたします。
あふん

news

2010-08-26T14:13:00.012+09:00

(awesome logo by Yosuke Yamaguchi. thank you so much!!)

Patrick Tsai and I started a little tiny independent publishing house.
it's called bathyspherebooks.com

Our first book is called "Hot Water" by Patrick Tsai, will be released soon.

gray

2010-08-25T01:18:00.006+09:00

delete and start again.

2010-08-24T16:30:00.005+09:00

読んでいるのは少年アシベと動物のお医者さんよ。ボフっ

framed.

2010-08-20T23:09:00.008+09:00

going for neck, lethal.

2010-08-08T09:15:00.005+09:00

イタース

hatagaya night

2010-08-04T00:30:00.005+09:00

小さなバレリーナがポーズを決めてくれたナイト
あぁオレが氷室だったら踊ってたなぁ歌ってたなぁ
なんとかの中のマリオネット盲目なまま踊れ〜
あら〜ボーイと某ジャパハードコアバンドの歌詞が混ざっちゃったわぁ

憑かれてるような

2010-07-28T14:48:00.002+09:00

fumoto kenichi.

more trips to come

2010-07-16T02:18:00.007+09:00

what would happen if you fall

2010-07-16T01:15:00.006+09:00

night picnic

2010-07-06T23:24:00.001+09:00

icecream cone

2010-07-06T00:59:00.001+09:00

in a bag.

//

2010-07-06T00:38:00.002+09:00

overwork

2010-07-05T02:38:00.002+09:00

all she does is work and pray.

soak

2010-06-28T22:06:00.001+09:00

ごめんあそばせ

2010-06-28T21:43:00.005+09:00

夏目漱石全集の上にでっかすぎる蜘蛛がいたのよ

井戸端会議よ

2010-06-13T11:27:00.001+09:00

ベテーちゃん

2010-05-20T07:26:00.002+09:00