March 29, 2011

tidy


i met this dood when i moved to the US, and we dated for 4 years.
2002 to 2006.

when i first met him, i was this dirty crazy mofo who looked like a total lesbo with an almost shaved head with no sexiness or prettiness, on the other hand, he was a cute tidy clean emo fucko "god, that is so 2002" style.

he was the shiest person i've ever met though, really really shy, but he had this lovely angry humor like larry david. on the other hand, i was just really loud, always being all over the place with no idea.

we were really, totally, completely opposite, i don't know how we stayed together for so long.

recently there were moments that i felt like dying (but not really at all, kind of like light anxiety) and somehow i thought about friends whom i used to hang out with or ex-boyfriends that i used to date, and this year 2002 boy popped up in my head. heavily.

so, i signed into my old email account, looked for emails from him and read them through again. so young, so fucking stupid and super embarrassing, but reading those emails just brought back those little things that we used to do together, how we used to drive around and get lost in the middle of corn fields while staring at gene-manipulated miniature donkeys, how we both used to drink 10 cans of mountain dew or pepsi in a day, how we used to play soul calibur together since that was the only game that i didn't really need any skills.

and here's a little tiny bit of thing that he wrote me.

".... the only difference between me and you, is you attack me when you get mad and crazy, but I get mad at you and then I love you again really fast so if you need to you can beat me everyday. Sorry I said I didn't think I want to it to work out. The truth is I hope everyday that it will work out. So I'll talk to you later after you get back home. bye i love you, mari"

the only difference.
god, such a silly youngie email.
oh children, children.

god, those days, filled with youth, ignorance and stupidity,
since i thought i would have a better life than what i expected,
future felt more brighter, huh huh.