March 27, 2014

playing










When I was little (around I was 5ish),
I started having a weird habit,
and i guess it lasted till 3rd grade of elementary school.
So, let me explain it.

I was obsessed with attractive/cute girls in comics, movies or TV shows and I wrote down all those names of my favorite characters on my little notebook.
When I had time or was bored i looked at my notebook and picked a character (depending on my mood) and started acting like the character that i picked.

Once I decided to become this Native American girl from some story and I had this horribly hand-made braided wig on and climbing a tree outside by myself, and then my friend's mom witnessed it and she got worried. About me.

I usually did this weird made-up play all by myself and kept it as a secret, but I had a really nice girl friend who was insanely nice and I thought she could be my partner when I play this acting game.
So one day when we were hanging out, I thought this was a chance and decided to do it.
I explained her what we would do and told her to pick her favorite character from any stories she likes to act, and we started playing.

The story, situations and expeditions of the play that we follow, were all made up by me in a terribly improvised way, and when we move on to the next act, I had to explain what we do and every single detail to her, and it was so exhausting. The saddest thing was that the whole time, she had a face of total confusion.

That's when I realized that it is so fucking hard to express what I have inside to others, since sometimes, or sadly most of the time, what I have inside is so boring and incomprehensible for others.

As I grew up, I stopped picking a character's name from my notebook and got more like a real life, playing sports and such. ha.

(All those gals above, these were my favorite characters, ever.)

小さい頃、漫画やアニメに出てくる
お気に入りの女の子のキャラクターの名前を手帳に書き込んで、
暇なときにその中から1つのキャラクターを選んで演じきって遊ぶ、
というのにハマっていました

そういう遊び、すぐ飽きちゃった〜、みたいな
一時的なノリではなく、割と長く続いて
幼稚園から小学3年生くらいまで続けてました。演劇遊び。
これは気持ち悪い遊びに違いないとは感じていたので、周りに秘密にはしていましたが
小学校2年生の頃、本当に何をしても許してくれる気の優しい友達がいたので、
一度だけ彼女を誘ってこの演劇遊びに興じたことがあります

プレイの内容はたしか、のび太の魔界大冒険のようなものでした
私の妄想の中で色々と出来事が起き魔物に襲われたりするのですが
私のイマジネーションの中で起こっている事件の臨場感、
そして魔物に襲われた時、どうやってやっつけれるか、何をしなければならないかを
いちいち事細かに彼女に伝えないといけないのですが、
上手く伝わらないし煩わしいし、そして何よりも
演劇遊びの間、ずっと困った表情をしている彼女がただただ可哀想でした

ある日は、なんかのネイティブアメリカン的なキャラクターに憧れ
ベルトを改造して自作したネイティブアメリカンの三つ編み風カツラをかぶり、
一人山で木に登っていたところを友達のお母さんに目撃され
恥ずかしい思いもしました

やっぱりこういうの普通じゃないのかしらと思ってた頃に
日舞始めたり淫乱英会話講師(女)のもと英会話習い始めたり
テレクラに目覚めたりスポーツ始めて体育会系の波に飲まれたりで
友達もできリアルな生活の割合が多くなり生理も始まり大学も卒業し
大人になりまぁよかったかなぁ、と思っています。

(上のキャラは今でも私のお気に入り)