May 31, 2011

pretty in pink

things look like this and that sometimes.
floral fatty if you know what i'm talking about.

May 26, 2011

3 legged

this should be that,
that is so wrong and that should be this way,
controlling is the way to achieve,
makes your dreamy tasty world come closer

May 24, 2011

arabian coffee

that night,
i met this girl who is really amazingly smart,
she's just really really amazing,
meeting her really felt like falling-in-love at first sight,
and i thought about this old silly song,
arabian monk told this guy who forgot loooove to drink coffee,
and he did for the first time,
and then he starts tripping and hitting on some young girl.
oh total trance, boiiiiiiii.

May 19, 2011


about this person,
i really don't know what that is,
but maybe because of the strict religious surroundings,
something totally opposite grew out of it.

May 18, 2011

looking into the hole

i left my work and i wanted to have some rest for a little bit,
but thinking about money and other things just making me feel rushed.

there was this murder in my town when i was little,
5 year old kid got killed by his dad, and his dad killed himself after that.
when that happened, i was the same age as the kid who got killed.

at that time, obviously i didn't really know what was going on,
too little to understand the whole situation.
his dad was running a Christian kindergarten in our town,
but it got closed down right after the murder happened.

i was in pre-school before i entered the first grade,
and many kids transferred to my preschool because of that.
i bet the adults around us didn't really know how to react to or explain the situation,
and i remembered it was just awkward just not knowing any facts as a kid.

when i was in 3rd grade, me and my friends were playing and walking through the town,
and 2 of my friends stopped right in front of this closed building with a playground behind.
we entered (we were punks as a 3rd grade) and started playing,
and then those friends told me that they used to go to this place,
since it was actually a kindergarten before, and they told me the reason why it got closed down.
even though the actual murder didn't happen in the building,
i got really scared, i felt that i've never got so close to any places that had such a dark history behind,
but my friends were just playing like nothing happened,
the place was just a part of their memory as a "fun place" they used to go to,
but for me, the place suddenly became something else, something dark and scary.

as i grew up, i occasionally thought about the incident,
what really happened,
also thought about the worst scenario as well,
just naming things that might've been involved that i can think of,
madness, cruelty, beliefs and religion, stress, psycho, hate, love, incest, etc.

for something that didn't really involve me directly,
i just live off the image yet not knowing any facts,
and some mediocre thoughts just grow and grow.

last night, i told my boyfriend about the murder after we talked about some book
since the story reminded me of the incident.

and then this morning while i was sleeping,
i felt something on my leg, it felt like a little kid crawling up on my body,
and suddenly i couldn't move or say anything.
sleep paralysis.

it happens to me when my body is tired,
but maybe my curiosity, and talking about the incident loud was too much led it to it,
i felt weird, but wasn't scared anymore.
people do still remember what happened,
some people remember it as a horrible murder that they really don't want to be close to,
but i know some people remember the kid, the place, maybe his dad, as their warm memory,
like my friends, who didn't get scared at all when we were standing in the shadow of the closed building.

May 16, 2011

it won't be that scary if...

so so bright out that day,
losing its colors.

it reminded me of madeline, that cute frenchy cartoon for little kids,
and that show just made me think of happy communist propaganda.

May 11, 2011

taste of cherry

i'm leaving my work in 3 days.
tomorrow is my last day-off,
i don't have that much time left but i have many random things on my desk,
so i was cleaning up before i went home today.
i had many comics in my shelf that i don't read anymore,
so i gave them away with s-o-r-r-o-w like a s-p-a-r-r-o-w.
man, i was surrounded by really awesome people.
(by the way, the desk in the photo is not my office desk.)

when i got off work,
it was raining hard outside and i was tired, so i wanted to go home asap.

on the way back home, i kept thinking about expensive fat-ass steaks that i ate in Chicago with my parents when they came visit me for my graduation.

man, i really do want to eat beef TONIGHT.

i went to the butcher's when i got off the train,
bought 2 slices of beef steaks,
ran back to my place, cooked them in heated oil and butter and burning garlic with salt and pepper and a little bit of wine, man that was wonderful.

i was wondering when the exact day that my parents came visit was.
so i looked through my old emails, and then it happened to be today was the same day as the day when we went out for the fancy big-ass steaks before the graduation.
hmm total beef day, good time for leaving and starting something new.


May 10, 2011

stabbing the ground with my heels

walking around in the rain all day long, it's muggy like summer.
i got so sweaty, my rayon shirt sticking on my back. eeee.
it was sunny till yesterday,
oh the god of weather, nature, tricker, the news,
how can i predict,
but i kinda know that this weekend will be rad. RAD, for some stupid reasons.
really stupid.




そう考えちまうのが中二病ってことかしらん〜OH MY OH MY

May 9, 2011

wear it right

happa happa,
some slang that i learnt about 3 years ago from this hellish person at the hell,
"happa means half japanese and half something else."

he had too many useless things to show off,
obsessed with asian ladies, and used to be a raver.

if i had a driver's license, i'd totally go on a road trip all over the jappie land.
the reasons are;
1. i want to touch dolphins.
2. i want to go to the snake land.
3. i want to eat every kind of un-creative hamburgers, all over the place.

if i can go to the u.s. right now, i'd totally go.
the reasons are;
1. i still want to touch dolphins.
2. i want to go to Florida, Daytona Beach, play the simpsons arcade game, look at sea turtles walking around at the beach at night, look at rainbow colored, colorful colorful puke stains or cotton candy, like i did in 2003 and 2004. both years.
3. i want to seriously go play miniature golf. in Daytona Beach.

sorry this is such a shallow post about "oh i want to do it, i want to do that."
i'm in a totally trashy oh-that's-so-hip mood.

May 6, 2011


why skullz.

little one big one

yesterday i went to weird places with my friends,
all the things felt like they were upside down or forever virgin.

em left japan today,
i went to say bye at the station before she got on a bus to the airport.
we cried and i gave her this ugly cheetah, air sprayed badly,
but it'll keep her safe for sure.
oh, also, "dreaming of a cheetah means you are graceful and quick with your actions."
woo woo.

May 3, 2011


late at night metal show total crow colored,
sunny day finding a pretty bird's nest in a huge v-jay crack on this tall skinny tree.

May 2, 2011

oh uh

more photos and the details will be up soon.

recently i faced some problem,
got woken up by my important friends,
and found the way to let the bad routine go finally.
what i have now that are important(my friends, the fought one yet i strongly love, my family, etc) won't be changed,
but how i see things is now little different, maybe.

while many things were happening,
i was actually walking through the new path. a little one,
which i really didn't tell anybody. i kept it as a secret.
i really didn't want to be judged or hated for what i was starting to see.

i guess people do try to keep a little secrets,
for their friendship,
for their family,
for their relationship,
for their work, etc, etc,
maybe they try to keep it for their ego or pride or shame,
for protecting themselves.

the reason i kept a secret was for my ego, and maybe i was also really, really ashamed,
so kept the things hidden.
maybe i have this nice, harmless, good image that i want people to see in me.
but, where is real me.
honestly, i was darker than what i thought, really childish and needy than what i thought,
i was more coward than what i thought.

such a cheesy thing but,
i was like this, but,
i guess i found something that totally sparked in my mind,
it was really a full of pureness.

i'm at this moment that my life is totally changing,
but when i faced this pureness, pure pure blood that i haven't really seen for a while,
which was totally unexpected,
and i can take it luckily, but i'm too ashamed to be judged,
and i also, maybe, secretly care too much about my future to be brighter,
having more money in my wallet a.k.a bank account,
finding the right stable man to get married, etc, etc,

and all the thoughts got tangled up in my head.
unstable+reckless vs moral+safety
what do i really need in my life?

i've started taking photos from slightly different angles since i saw the new thing.
maybe in a good way.
oh, good stuff tightly zipped in a secret.

but i guess it's time to release what i'm trying to start now,
and reveal what i'm happy about now.


sorry all the things i just wrote doesn't make any sense and is really abstract.


新しいシリーズ、「keep it as a total secret」という

new series "keep it as a total secret"

i feel like i finally found something, something that makes me forget about money or addiction or fame or anything that are actually unnecessary for who i really am.
what i found was pureness and reckless and honesty and impulsiveness, it's like ADD,
but that is what i've newly got from losing many silly things that i was trying to stick to.
good old routines came back in my life, and all the excitement maybe,
so i'll reveal my new series soon:) silly title, but it's really true haha.