October 18, 2011

sunday routine

it was so nice outside yesterday so my friends and i decided to go to inogashira-park,
we had tasty sandwich there and talking really dirty as usual.

on the way back home, we realized that we forgot to play badminton even though we had rackets and everything ready. it was still light out, and also we found a nice parking lot outside of this catholic church, so we stopped there to see if we could play that mama there.
the church was open for sunday service, so we just randomly decided to go inside and pray instead of playing badminton, pretty much to just have fun(more like to make fun of it, sorry....), since we all love bad religious jokes.

we went in, dipped our fingers in holy water, sat down and acted as we were praying,
but i was actually thinking about buying 1 big avocado instead of getting 3 small ones for dinner.

we felt uncomfortable so we left, and decided to go to one of our friend's house nearby.
when we arrived there, there was a big tube of lubricant for sexy purpose sitting on the table,
so i just squeezed it out on my hand and started playing with it.
and then i just realized that i've just got purified by holy water. oh humans.

by the way i'm going to nagoya next month with the crew. psyched!


nookdoug and gakkun

these days i hang out with my friend's brother's friends, they are young and still in college.

last week, a bunch of us(we are all around 30s) and this cute young college kid(still 20-ish) spent all night playing jenga, didn't sleep at all and went to eat some noodles for breakfast.

it was so nice out that day, so we decided not to waste a day even though we didn't sleep at all.

we started walking around the outside of this zoo by inogashira-park, but we couldn't decide either we get in to the zoo or not so we were just aimlessly walking around for an hour,
i suggested to go see eagles and owls at this nature-loving kind of cafe by the park but i, as the leader, totally went to the wrong direction and we were lost(i really have no sense of direction),
we got all so tired, but we had to go poo poo so bad so went to the department store to use the cleaner bathroom.
after dropping some pounds off, we sat on the couch in front of the bathroom not being able to decide what we are gonna do.
the college kid was just sitting there with us giving us a hopeless look. my friend asked him if he wants to be like us in like 10 years, he just answered ummm.

October 17, 2011

business trip

now i have a new job, many business trips and hotel-stays.
by the way, all i want to eat these days is deep fried chicken. delicious ones.

say hello to new... #2

it took a while to get to this point.
there was such a mess that i can't even recollect the fragments of it.
it exactly felt like being controlled by a phychopath,
walking on the path that's drawn by this person,
i just react or do the way this person would totally expect,
while knowing the fact that i'm just a will-less person.
i wanted to let it go but kept holding on to it to see a little possibility.
it was a big obsession.
this was the perfect controlled-by-other's-ego process that i went through.

i was out of my apartment for 3 days for a business trip.
when i got back home, one of my fish were missing. a little tiny one.

after i found his little tiny bones blending in to a debris on a filter,
it didn't take that long to realize that the little one was eaten by the big ones in a tank since they were so hungry.
i fed them ok before i left, but my friend told me that fish can't stuff themselves with so much food once so that they can go without eating for a while.

big fish, tiny fish, domesticated,
they were all good together in a little tank society,
but once something is missing, something that they need to keep their lives going,
they will change. no moral there but just instinct, and it's not that beautiful and clean as i imagine.

and i just realized i was just there to give, sacrifice myself.


say hello to new...

it was like pinching your skin while getting a big shot
so that you can forget the pain that you actually get from the shot.
but in the end you just realize it didn't make the situation any better,
you just end up staring at your red pinched skin with your nail mark left on
with your other arm swollen and bleeding by the shot,
yes there's this new pain that you created and you have to stand.


October 15, 2011


my awesome friend and also a amazingly talented writer Nagisa gave me this book called "life after god" by Douglas Coupland, and i've been reading it when i get on the train to go to work. only a little by little though, so that i can keep this precious time with this book longer. all the chapters in the book, i can connect to my experience, what happened to me and what i've been actually building up in my life.

"...And we're changed souls; we don't look at things the same way anymore. for there was once a time we expected the worst. but then the worst happened, did it not? and so we will never be surprised ever again."

October 5, 2011

2 points

i know the fact that if i completely become honest about how i feel or how i think, i'd lose many things, honesty is brutally real and such a scary thing sometimes. i usually try to stand in a neutral position so that i don't have to show off my stupidity, or i just hate (or i'm just scared) to be judged that i'm so wrong.

all i wanted was stability that i could completely believe in, but i have no control over anything really, and my ego just keeps bringing so much frustration in my damn life.